Personal Thoughts

I really had no interest in reading the book "The Compound Effect" when it was given me.  It sat in my car for a couple days and then when we started reading as a group, I picked it up with good intentions.  What I found was a book that I could relate to; a book that made sense.

I find it incredible that some of the opinions expressed in this book, echo thoughts that I have thought myself.  This past reading assignment talked about how we muck up our lives with negatives and garbage.  It spoke of how we have the choice to choose to stay within the muck, or we can choose to to immerse ourselves in positives and inspiration.


I think that ever since I met my ex-husband, my life began a very slow spiral into muck.  I compounded one bad choice on top of another, and eventually I buried myself so deep that I forgot what it was like to be "me", to have fun, and to enjoy life.  Becoming a parent was not an easy transition for me.  It was like diving into the deep end of a swimming pool, without really knowing how to swim very well. In the beginning I knew enough to get by, but not enough to take the quickest, most efficient, and responsible direction.  I kept making mistakes and kept treading along in the muck, sinking further and further as I went along. 

A couple years ago I had the opportunity to spend a year with a really happy-go-lucky and fun personality.  During that year I became a happier person.  I re-discovered the "me" inside that had been slowly buried and pretty much lost.  All of a sudden I am laughing and wanting to get out and do things.  About 15 months after I met this friend of mine, she moved away.  All of that happy influence she had on me, moved with her, and I slowly returned to the deep, dark, depths of muck that I had been in before. 

Returning to the muck was not as easy as it was to get into it in the first place.  The first trip into the muck was so slow that I hardly noticed what was happening.  This time, I knew what was happening and felt powerless to avoid returning.  I became angry and resentful.  I did not want to go back into this muck of an existence.  I still don't.

There are some things in my life right now that I cannot or will not change.  There are some things that I cannot help but change, and one of those things is my education level.  I may have balked and made excuses why I could not return to college over the past few years, but I see now that they were just excuses....excuses to stay in the muck.  What?  Stay in the muck?  Ya, I was making excuses to stay in the muck, because the muck was my comfort zone.  In the muck I could continue the bad habits of avoidance, procrastination, negative & defeating thinking, and self-criticism.  As this book has pointed out, I was blaming others and bad luck for my own bad choices.

From pages 23-24, "Choices will always be the root of every one of our results. Each choice starts a behavior that over time becomes a habit.  Don't choose at all, and you've made the choice to be a passive receiver of whatever comes your way.  You make your choices, and then your choices make you. Every choice has an impact on the compound effect of your life."

So by choosing to stay in the muck, I am choosing to be the passive receiver of what comes my way.  What kind of life is that???

I honestly believe that as I take these steps out of the muck of a comfort zone that I have been in, I will find myself no longer content to be a passive receiver.  I am tired of "the falseness of a worn-out relation".  (The words of a song from the past just came to mind, and wow, how the song's meaning just started making sense to me.  Wow! Once again, music stepped in and expressed how I feel, much better than I could.)  I want some substance in my life, some REAL solid substance with quality people of like mind, goals and dreams.

I plan to devour every book I come across; that motivates, inspires and pushes me to be a better person.  I'm tired of treading mucky water.