Learning More About Diabetes, part 1

Reversing Diabetes, by Dr. Juian Whitaker, MD

Adding just 5 to 10 grams of fiber to your daily diet can result in a five-point drop in cholesterol--which translates into a 10% reduction in risk of heart disease.

Fiber is an excellent therapy for people who already have diabetes.  It helps maintain glucose control.  It delays gastric emptying.  This allows a slower rate of absorption of glucose into the bloodstream.  This reduces the ups and downs of blood sugar levels.

Fiber improves the body's sensitivity to insulin, combating insulin resistance and helping insulin do its job of ushering glucose into the cells.  (pgs 115-6)

Whole Plant foods are Nutrient-Rich.

Beans and legumes- Maganesium, zinc, B-complex vitamins.

Whole grains- Magnesium, chromium, vitamin E, B-complex vitamins.

Leafy greens- Magnesium, calcium, vitamin A, B-complex vitamins, carotenoids.

Orange/yellow fruits & veggies- vitamins C & A, beta carotene

Citrus fruits- vitamin C

Peppers- vitamins C & A

Broccoli & other cruciferous veggies- vitamins C & A

Raw nuts & seeds- calcium, magnesium, zinc, B-complex vitamins, vitamin E

Simple Carbohydrates are one or two molecule sugars that are quickly broken down into glucose, enter the bloodstream rapidly, and cause a fast rise in blood glucose, accompanied by a rise in insulin.  Foods in this group include sugars of every kind and also grain based products that have been processed and stripped of their fiber, such as white flour, white rice, and many cereals.

Complex carbohydrates, which include whole grains, beans and legumes, vegetables, and fruits, are made up of many sugar molecules bonded or chained together.  Their sugars are released more slowly into the bloodstream, a process made slower still by the fiber int hese foods, and they cause a gradual, more sustained rise in blood sugar.

The Glycemic Index of Common Foods:

Low: Green Veggies, Tomatoes, Beans & Peas, Pasta, Apples, Berries, Citrus Fruit, Oatmeal, 100% Bran cereal, Sprouted Grain Bread.

Moderate: Stone-ground whole wheat bread, Rye crackers, Brown Rice, Sweet Potatoes, Grapes, New Potatoes, Whole Wheat Tortillas, Kiwi

High: Bagels, White Bread, Rice Cakes, Pretzels, Most cold cereals, White Rice, White Potatoes, Pineapple, Dates, Ripe Bananas

Consuming large quantities of readily absorbed carbohydrates such as sugar allso stresses your body's blood sugar control mechanisms, causing sharp rises in glucose and insulin, followed by precipitous drops. (pg 123)

Common names of added sweeteners include sucrose, dextrose, fructose, lactose, high-fructose corn syrup; corn, rice, and barley malt syrups; maple syrup or solids; fruit juice concentrates; and mannitol and sorbitol.

Replacing white sugar with honey, molasses, and other "healthy" sweeteners are not the way to go.  Just like refined white sugar, almost all natural sweeteners have a high glycemic index and provoke a sharp glucose release.  The one "natural" sweetener that is low on the glycemic index is fructose.  Fructose problems of its own, it is a primary culprit in glycosylation, the chemical binding of sugars to proteins.

Fructose is a highly reactive molecule that readily attaches to proteins, changing their structure and interfering with their normal activities. 

Artificial sweeteners, such as aspartame, are broken down into the body into harmful components, including formaldehyde (toxin and carcinogen), formic acid (the poison in ant stings), and methanol (a nervous system toxin AKA  free methyl alcohol or wood alcohol).

Two amino acids that comprise aspartame, phenylanine and aspartic acid, can bypass the blood-brain barrier and enter the brain, upsetting the balance of neurotransmitters and brain chemistry.  High intake of aspartame has been linked with a number of adverse effects, including headache, vision loss, seizures, mood disorders, and other nervous system problems. (pages 124-5)

Skip sweeteners and go with Stevia and Xylitol.
Stevia is extracted from an herb native to South America.  Xylitol is a unique sweetener obtained from birch trees that essentially looks and tastes like white granulated sugar.  Unlike Stevia, Xylitol is not calorie free, but is very slowly metabolized.  Therefore it causes none of the abrupt rises and falls you get with other sweeteners.

Where do Protein and Fat Fit In?

When we eat too much carbohydrate or fat, the body stores this extra energy as fat.  The body cannot store extra protein. It must be broken down, and its waste products processed by the kidneys.

To be continued.

The Compound Effect, pgs 43-54 (Moment-To-Moment Choices)

My life is the product of my moment-to-moment choices. (page 53)

My outcomes are all a result of my moment-to-moment choices.  I have the incredible power to change my life by changing my choices.  Step by step, day by day, my choices will shape my actions until they become habits, where practice makes them permanent. (page 53)

Eliminate sabotaging habits and instill the needed positive habits, and I can take my life in any direction I desire, to the heights of my imagination. (page 53)

Summary Action Steps:

1) What area, person, or circumstance do I struggle with the most?

 --Me.  I put unnecessary hurdles in my path.  I am grateful for how my body has put up with me so far.  Action: I am grateful that I am not high-maintenance.  I am grateful for this fire inside of me that won't quit, and which refuses to be "put out".
--Finances.  I cave in to pressure too easily, and then I find myself angry afterwards because I chose to not stay within my own limits.  I enjoy doing for others, but sometimes I let others take advantage of my generosity.  Action: I am thankful to have money to pay bills with, pay for a roof over my head, pay for a vehicle to drive, and all of the basic luxuries of life.
--Health.  I know what I should be doing and that is not matching what I am doing.  I need to start making the little changes that will improve my long-term results.  Action:  Again, I am thankful that my body has put up with me so far.  I am thankful that I have enough sense to avoid many obstacles that others put-up with.

2) Where in my life am I not taking 100% responsibility for the success or failure of my present:

--I am not taking responsibility for my financial limits.  I am not taking full responsibility for my health.  I am not taking responsibility for my productiveness, or lack of.

Three things that I have done, that messed things up.
--I let my integrity go in a volunteer job.
--I pursued a marriage with someone I should never have married.
--I began a food addiction that has controlled more than half of my life.

Three things that I should have done but didn't:
--I should have tried to be a single parent.
--I should have focused on college the first time around.
--I should have pursued a career path.

Three things that happened to me, but I responded poorly:
--I went from one controlling situation into a controlling marriage.
--I let negative thinking take up too much space in my head.
--I allowed others to negatively influence/effect certain aspects of my life.
--Instead of taking responsibility for my choices, I pointed fingers.

Three things I can start doing right now to take back responsibility for the outcomes of my life:
--I can start making changes in my diet and exercise.
--I can stay within my financial limits and on track toward goals.
--I can continue with college classes and open up options in the future.

3) I am going to invest more fully in tracking my diet, exercise and finances.  I will continue working toward my bachelor's degree.

Compound Effect, pgs 32-43 (Be Aware of Choices)

The area in my life that I want to be most successful in, 
after "being a mom", is in my finances.

My top 5 list would be:
(2-5 are not necessarily in order of importance)
1- I want to be a good mom.
2- I want to be financially fit.
3- I want to be healthy.
4- I want to lose weight.
5- I want to successfully, with a high GPA, gain a bachelor's degree.

The first step toward change is awareness.  You have to be aware of your choices.

Track every action: Track every penny spent.  Track every bite you eat. Track every pound you lose/gain.  Track your progress at school.  Write it all down, one way or another.

I am going to start tracking every penny I spend, on 05/30/2013.
(I am referring to the careless money I spend, not my monthly, regular bills.)

I am going to diligently start tracking every food/drink I consume, on 05/30/2013.

Notes:
No matter what has happened, take complete responsibility.  (page 33)

I made the many choices to ignore obvious red flags and warning signs.  In the end, I am responsible for the results. (page 33)

When we choose to make the smallest changes and corrections consistently, over time we will see the results. Chances are that no one's going to notice them anytime soon.  There will be no applause.  No one is going to offer you congratulations.  Eventually, the compound effect will result in an exceptional payoff.   It is the littlest disciplines that pay off over time.  (pgs 42-43)

Something to think about:
$4.00 a day spent on a daily Starbucks drink, may not seem like much right now.  Over time that daily expenditure adds up.  After one year of $4.00 a day Starbucks visits, you will have spent approximately $1,095.  After five years, $6497; ten years $16,099; twenty years $51,834.

Think about that in terms of a pack of cigarettes a day (@ $6 a pack).
Think about that in terms of a bottle of soda a day (@ $1.60 a bottle).
Think about the cost of ONE value meal a day at McDonald's. (@ $7.00 a meal).

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead - Joe Cross & Dr Oz

If you haven't seen the Joe Cross movie "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead", 
I HIGHLY recommend you do.  It is worth investing the time watching.  
This link takes you to the movie on the Dr Oz page.  You can also find it 
by visiting the Joe Cross Website "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead".

Ramp up to the juice cleanse for 2 days prior. 
-Drink 15 oz hot water with lemon & ginger in the morning.
-Eliminate processed foods, caffeine, sugar and meat.
-Finish day with herbal tea.
-Eat fruits and veggies, lean protein.

3 Juice Cleanse - Joe Cross
(five juices a day, eat 1 lean meal of fruit & veggies for dinner)

Carrot, Apple & Ginger Juice (breakfast)
3 carrots
2 apples
1 inch ginger

Mean Green Juice (mid morning)
1 cucumber
4 celery stalks
2 apples
6-8 kale leaves
1/2 lemon
1 inch ginger

Gazpacho Juice (lunch)
4 plum tomatoes
1 large cucumber
2 celery stalks
1 red bell pepper
1 small red onion
2 cups parsley
1 lime

Citrus Inspired Green Juice (afternoon snack)
6-8 kale leaves
8 swiss chard
1 cucumber
6 clementines

Sunset Blend Juice (pre-dinner)
1 large sweet potato
1 medium carrot
1 red bell pepper
2 large red beats
2 golden delicious apples
1 orange

Dinner recipes that work with plan:

Kale Avocado Salad w/ Vinaigrette
(keep chopped ingredients stored separately in fridge, toss with dressing just before eating.)
2 servings

4 handfuls kale
1 handful red cabbage chopped
1 tomato chopped
1/2 avocado, diced
1/2 cup olive oil
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 tbsp honey
1/2 tsp dried basil
4 cloves garlic
sea salt and pepper to taste.

Cut kale off of stems and chop.  (Save stems for juicing)  Chop red cabbage, tomato and avocado.  Mix 1/2 of each of the ingredients together in a bowl.  Save other 1/2 for tomorrow.

In separate bowl mix dressing.

Carrot & Sweet Potato Fries

2 medium sweet potatoes
2 large carrots
2 tbsp olive oil
1 tsp ground cumin
1/4 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp sea salt

Heat oven to 425 degrees.  Peel sweet potatoes and carrots.  Cut the potatoes into wedges.  Cut carrots in half crosswise into two chunks.  Slice each chunk lengthwise into 2 pieces and cut each piece into 2-3 wedges.

Put the potato and carrot wedges in a bowl and toss with the oil, cumin, salt, pepper and arrange on baking sheet lined with parchment paper.  Bake 30 minutes or until flesh is tender and outside is lightly browned.
-------------------------------------
From The Dr Oz Show, Joe Cross' 3-Day Weekend Cleanse 
-------------------------------------

Add 1/2 an avocado to juices, with ice, to thicken the juice.

The Compound Effect, pgs 22-32

Daily Questions to Ask Myself:
How many of my behaviors have I not 'voted on'?
What am I doing that I didn't consciously choose to do, yet continue to do every day?
What percentage of shared responsibility do I have in making relationships work?

Thought For The Day:
It's easy to point fingers at others.  There is a lot of finger pointing in the world, victim mentality, blaming, and expecting someone else or the government to solve problems.

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Preparation:  Consistently improving and preparing myself--my skills, knowledge, expertise, relationships and resources.

Attitude: Seeing situations, conversations, and circumstances as fortuitous.

Opportunity: Shows up on its own accord.

Action: It is my job to make things happen.

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Notes:
Choices will always be the root of every one of our results. Each choice starts a behavior that over time becomes a habit.  Don't choose at all, and you've made the choice to be a passive receiver of whatever comes your way.  You make your choices, and then your choices make you. Every choice has an impact on the compound effect of your life.  (pages 23-24)

Hit the pause button before stumbling into idiot territory. (page 24)

Choices are shaped by our culture and upbringing. (page 24)

It's the little things that bite you.  "Elephants don't bite.  Mosquitoes do."
It's the frequent, small and seemingly inconsequential choices that are of grave concern. (page 25)

Everything is up to me.  I am responsible for everything I do, don't do, or how I respond to what is done to me.  (page 29)

"Unlucky" is just another excuse. (page 30)

Tony Robbins & Dr. Oz

Watching Dr Oz, and he has Tony Robbins on his show.
Here are some thoughts from the show.

Three Steps to a Health Breakthrough:
1- Change My State. (Mental, Physical, etc)
2- Change Your Story. (The way you think, act, do.)
3- Create a Strategy.  (Make a plan.)

Life is happening for you, not to you.
The quality of your life is the quality of your emotions. (1, 2)
Whatever is spoken, effects us emotionally. (2)
All I need, is within me now. (1, 2)


Establish 15 minutes to fulfillment.
1- Invest 5 minutes waking up your body.
2- Spend 5 minutes taking inventory.
3- Spend 5 minutes visualizing the positive.

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Create A Healthy Gut:
1- Build an Alkaline Environment
2- Choose plant proteins.
3- Take a probiotic.

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Notes:
1000 mg Calcium (no more than 600 mg in supplements)
 450 mg Magnesium

Keep L-Cartadine down (whey, red meat).

Abandoning Excuses & Acknowledging Accomplishments....

Abandoning Excuses:

"I'll do it tomorrow!" ~ "I'll start tomorrow!"
These are a few of my favorite excuses.  All it is, is an excuse to put things off.  I'm a master at this.  I have all kinds of excuses to support them.  I justify my actions now, with excuses.  It's time for me to start doing "today", and stop avoiding the issues.  I need to stop putting off until "tomorrow", what I can do today!

"Why bother?" ~ This is another favorite of mine.  Instead of just hunkering down and getting it done, I divert from the issue. This goes along well with the previous two excuses.  Even if it seems no one else cares, deep down inside, I do care!  It bothers me!  When these kinds of things start building up, they affect my mental state.  No amount of diverting from the issue is going to make the issues go away.  I need to "bother", because tackling the issues is what is going to bring me to a healthier state of mine.

"Past" & Present"  ~ I simply have to stop transferring the blame to other people and past experiences.  These two words go along well with the other excuses.  I use events of the past and present, to excuse the other excuses.  Ultimately my poor choices and decisions of the past, have brought me to where I am today.  They are the root of my issues.  It's time for me to clean up my own messes and grow up.

Acknowledging Accomplishments:

I think it is time for me to start focusing on my accomplishments and the positives in my life, rather than dwelling in the mistakes and problems.  No matter what happened in the past, the future is mine to mold into whatever makes me happy. 

So what is there about me, that I need to be paying more attention to? 

First of all, I participated in the creation of five beautiful people.  One may have already passed on to heaven and be with God, but she has made a big impression on me, just as the others have.  The four who I have been blessed to spend time with, are my greatest accomplishments.  There are unique characteristics about each of them, that make me extremely proud of them.  I will always be thankful for the opportunity of being their mother.

Second:  I have three beautiful dogs who I have been blessed to have in my life currently.  These creatures are so loving, so giving, and give me so much joy.  I may not be able to save every dog from undesirable conditions, but when it comes to these three, I can give them my very best. 

Third: I stepped out of my comfort zone and enrolled in college classes.  I have maintained a 4.0 GPA so far, and my intent is to hold onto that for as long as possible.  This is building my confidence and a part of paving the road to a better future.

Fourth: I have the ability to nurture, and to destroy.  As time goes by, my desire to nurture and encourage people, grows.  I want to be a good person.  I want to be happy.  I choose to remain optimistic.  I am not a quitter.  No matter how heavy things seem to be sometimes, I persevere and I keep trying, hoping and surviving.

Now, for some minor accomplishments for today:
1- I cleaned out the front closet.
2- I un-assembled the Christmas lawn decorations, and returned them to their boxes.
3- I read Chapter 1 of the Compound Effect.
4- I am starting the Ultimate Reset today.

Goals for tomorrow:
1- Work on cleaning the back, storage room.  (Invest at least 1 hour.)
2- Scrub down the downstairs bathroom & change the shower curtain.
3- Bake 60 cupcakes for the band fund-raiser.

Additional Thoughts:
Little things like putting on music that I enjoy, motivate me and leave me in a better mood.
I will invest in my mental state, by turning up the music and enjoying myself while I work.

The Compound Effect, Chapter 1

The Compound Effect, by Darren Hardy:
From what I have read of this book so far, I see a lot of stuff that makes sense to me.

I'm one who likes to sit down and read a book from start to finish, ASAP.
It is going to take some discipline, but I am going to take a page from
"The Tortoise and the Hare" and read it slow and steady.

Excuses I Am Using:
- "I'll start tomorrow!"
- My past.
- My present.
- "Why bother?  No one else cares, why should I?"

Small Steps:
- Read something inspirational or motivational every day.
- Learn something new every day.
- Log my diet every day.
- Start taking one Omega-3 Krill Oil daily.
- Accomplish something every day.
- Pay myself daily, for success on previous 5 small steps.
- Stay the course with my class requirements.

Stop The Backward Thinking:
- Do not put off until tomorrow, what I can do today.
- Do not let my past influence my future.
- What I do today, has an effect on my tomorrow.
- I care, therefore it matters to me!

I have succeeded when I focus on the goal ahead.
I have succeeded in raising decent children with morals.
I have succeeded in removing myself from unhealthy associations.
I have succeeded in overcoming my fears about getting a college education.
I have succeeded in discovering the path to my long-term goals.
I have successfully maintained good grades in my college classes.

Chapter 1 Notes:
Root of the matter:
-Instead of seeing that poor choices and behaviors are the root of the problem, people find fault with others. (page 15)
- Believing somone else is wrong, rather than looking inside and doing the necessary work to clean up our own messes, is basic Psychology 101 stuff. (page 15)

Perseverence & Success:
- We have to keep working, consistently and efficiently, before we can begin to see the payoff. (page 17)
- The secret to success is hard work, discipline, and good habits. (page 17)
-  If we want to succeed, we need to recover our grandparents' work ethic. (page 19)

Complacence:
- We have to be on guard to not "become like the frog in the boiling water that doesn't jump to his freedom because the warming is so incremental and insidious, that he doesn't notice he's getting cooked." (page 18-19)

Memorial Day 2013

O say can you see by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
'Tis the star-spangled banner, O! long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,
A home and a country, should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation.
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the Heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

God Bless America!

Good Intentions and Feeling Crappy.

(05/23/2013)

I hope to start down the path to recovery ASAP.  It's not going to be easy.  I am going to be fighting urges, triggers and cravings.  They say six weeks for new habits.  So my short-term goal is to make it the six weeks.  I really need to attack this path to recovery.  I remember when I first considered going back to school.  I came up with all kinds of reasons why I couldn't or shouldn't go back to school.  I created my own obstacles and hurdles, and I have spent the last 6 months tackling them.  

I don't have time.  -  There are 24 hours in a day!

This won't work with my family.  - Where there is a will, there is a way!

I can't afford it.  - Grants, Scholarships, Student Loans!

It's been too long; I'm too old. - If my mother could do it, so could I!

I don't want to step into a campus classroom.  - Online classes!

(05/24/2013)

I started today feeling crappy, and well, I still feel crappy.  I laid awake last night until 4:30 a.m..  I was so nauseated.  I'm still nauseated now.  I don't know what is going on with me.  

I had a Doctor appointment today.  Got my blood test results.  My cholesterol is down to 255.  My triglycerides went up.  :(   My A1C is +.6 to 7.1.  Other numbers seem to be better.  The primary concern is the triglycerides and my weight.  In 2 weeks I have gained 4 pounds!  I told her about my problem with burping.  It isn't really burping like a belch.  This is a silent thing I do, a combination burp and hiccup, kinda.  She put me on Nexium.  I've already noticed a decrease in it occurring.  Maybe after some time on the medicine, I'll not have it happen much at all.  Last night it was like I wanted to burp, but there was a lump down in there, that didn't want to allow it.  This is probably TMI, but anyway....

I think it has come to the time where I have no more choices.  Either I change or I won't have any choices.  She told me that my life is at stake here, and honestly, the way I feel...I believe her.  

Going to try again to make tomorrow a new "Day 1", in the hope of feeling better with a change in diet.  Somehow I need to incorporate exercise, but to be honest, the nausea does not make me feel much like exercise.  I have to find a way to persevere on my change in diet, and not offend Mike.  He means well, but I cannot continue to eat the wrong foods.  Cassie thinks that he intends to cook us all breakfast this weekend sometime, since he bought the breakfast sausage.  Sausage, bacon and eggs are definite no-no's to me.  Off limits.  He knows I don't eat sweets, so I should be good on that, should he go that path.  

I wonder if fully committing to a re-start of the Ultimate Reset, would help me feel better.  I'm not sure I have all the required foods, and some recipes I did not like anyway, but maybe it will help.  I'd like to start tomorrow.  I'm willing to do what I need to...the question is, will my family allow me to?  I want to live.  I do NOT like being nauseated, feeling nauseated, and feeling crappy.

God...please help me.  Please help me to make the right choices from this moment on.  Please help me to start feeling better.  Please help me to get healthier.  I'm sorry I have brought myself to this point I find myself at.  I'm ready to change and I need Your help.  Please "take the wheel" and lead me where I need to go.  I humbly turn myself over to you. 

Time 2 Make Those Changes

There comes a time when you have to move on and make changes.
You simply just get tired of being sick and tired.  You are tired of the four walls always seeming to close on you.  You acknowledge that you are not willing to walk on eggshells.  You figure out that YOU are important, and YOU deserve BETTER. 

Someone told me that as I progressed through my classes, I would recognize changes within myself.  This is true.  I am gaining confidence.  I am recognizing the obstacles in my path; some of which are of my own doing.  I have allowed myself to be boxed in, held back and I have taken too many "dead-end" roads.  I do not want to be this way anymore.  I'm ready to move on.

As I start to see the progress and as I start to see the smaller goals accomplished, I find myself more determined to achieve even bigger goals and accomplishments.  So those changes on the inside need to become changes on the outside.  Example:  The more health (science) classes I take, the more I realize that health care is where I need to be, when it comes to a career.  If I can easy go through these classes and I have the knowledge to easily answer questions and do my class work, why am I not applying the knowledge I have, into my own life?

It is time to make even more changes.  That is what it comes down to.

Don't Give Up!!!

Keep Going.

No matter what you do,

no matter how many times 

you screw up and think to yourself

"there's no point to carry on",

no matter how many people

tell you that you can't do it -

keep going.

Don't quit.

Don't quit, because a month from now

you will be that much closer

to your goal, than you are now.

Yesterday you said tomorrow.

Make today count.

Today was a rough day.  It's difficult to stay positive when you get hit with so many negatives.  It is empowering and it is depressing.  It's a challenge.  You have to choose to persevere. 

Don't Judge People.

It's hard finding inspiration in a place where you're surrounded by temptation.  It's difficult to break bad habits that you have invested so MANY years in.  It is a struggle to face another day, sometimes, when you just do not know how you're going to make it through it.  I'm still waiting for that one day where I wake up and decide I do not want to do this anymore, and the inspiration is so strong that all the struggles seem like problems of the past.

My issue (battle) is that I am a food addict.
The problems that have led to this issue are many.
(This list is not complete, and not necessarily in order of importance.)

1- People In My Life:  I can never erase those things said to me.  I will never forget the words "disgusting" and "fat".  I will never outrun the disapproval that I feel, whenever I am in his presence or think back to events of the past.  Until people have walked the road I have traveled, they cannot possibly understand what I have been through.  While the person he may be today (I honestly do not know) is totally different from the person I knew "yesterday", the damage has been done.  I have not been able to erase its imprint in my mind.  I am 46 years old today and I still live with the residue of the past actions, behaviors and remarks.

2- Intentional or Unintentional Comments:  My ex-father-in-law once called me a "fat cow".  "When are you due?"  I cannot tell you the number of times I have been asked that.  

3- Misconceptions and Perceptions:  I am not a pack-mule.  Just because I am taller (5'8") and I am not delicate boned, this does not mean I am as useful as a man.  I am a woman.  Treat me as such.  I deserve the same courtesy that is paid to the petite, thin, and pretty picture that you define a woman as.  Just because I am with someone who is capable of eating extremely large amounts of food does not mean that I do the same.  Just because I am overweight, you do not need to assume that I need super-size portions.  Did you stop for one moment to think that maybe there is a reason I am the way I am?  One more thing.... just because I may require a larger size of clothes, does not mean that I want to dress like a grandma, wear large floral prints or paisley designs, and does not mean my boobs are super-size as well.  Why must I be limited to white granny bras?

4- I Have Feelings:  I notice the judging looks, the comments followed by laughter, and the dismissal.  Why should my size be a factor in whether you decide to "give me the time of day"?  Why should my size be the determining factor of whether you offer me a courtesy?  I have experienced so many negative interactions and reactions from people, that I have lost my ability to think positive about the laughter, comments and looks you give.  My jokes and laughter are attempts to distract from my insecurity and pain.

5- Living With My Choices:  I stay home more than go out, because it hurts to face people.  It is a struggle to carry around the excess baggage and pretend that all is right in the world.  The walls feel like they're closing in on me.  I am living with my mistakes of the past.  My self-imposed imprisonment is crippling me and destroying my quality of life.

I cannot shed my food addiction like a person who chooses to stop smoking, drinking or doing drugs.  Food is not an option.  I have to learn how to live with food, my worst enemy.  It is not as simple as waking up one day and saying "I'm not going to do this anymore!"  The triggers appear each and every day.  They taunt me and torment me.  

If I could have one wish, just put myself first for once, this is what I would wish.  I would wish that I could go into some kind of treatment facility or program, where like an alcoholic or drug addict I would be unable to obtain my drug of choice (food).  I need an intervention and I am so afraid that I will not be able to find my "I can't do this anymore" moment of change.  People preach "diet and exercise" as my solution.  It's hard to stick to.  You have no idea until you have to face it yourself.  It is easier said than done.  

I do not want your pity, instead I want you to understand me.  Understand why I am the way I am.  Understand what I am feeling and consider my feelings.  It's not as simple as "diet and exercise".  It's in my head.  I need help, and I do not know how to go about getting the kind of help I need.  

I need to find a way to rediscover the "me" that is lost and hidden.
I don't know how to change.  I only know that I don't want to live like this anymore.

Don't Stop Believin'

I am still struggling inside.  I knew I had an almost 0% chance of being chosen by the Biggest Loser, to be a contestant, but I dared to hope.  I dared to believe it was possible. 

I got up at 3 a.m. Saturday, May 11, 2013, and drove to Dallas.  It was quite a brave thing for me to do, this small town girl has always refused and insisted that I would never drive in a big city like Chicago.  While I did not see "street driving" as in Chicago, I dared to do it.  I wanted this sooooo bad that I was willing to try, willing to step outside my comfort zone. 

We (Danielle went with me) arrived around 5:30 a.m.  Good thing we were early.  The line was already 40+ deep.  I was #48 in line.  I met some really nice people, and Mary was there.  They didn't start taking people in the door until after 10:15 a.m., but the time between 5:30 a.m. and 10:30 a.m., it seemed to fly. 

 

Good Luck Johnny Walker!!!

I am glad I went, and I am glad I tried.  I dared to dream.  My dream hasn't come true as of yet.  The Dallas call-backs are over, but I'm submitting that video online....just in case.  I haven't given up on my dream.  I'm not a quitter.

I've submitted by "2nd Chance" Video, put together the 9 page application, and I'm not giving up.  No matter how hard the waiting, hoping and disappointments, I will keep trying.  

The most important thing that I take from this is "Don't Stop Believing!".  I have to keep trying. I have to keep stepping outside the comfort zone.  

I am NOT a quitter!  I still believe.  I still believe in dreams!

Broken

I feel broken right now.
I feel devastated.
I had so much hope and I wanted to succeed so badly.
It didn't happen.
Never fear, I'll put the facade back on.
I will pick up the pieces and I will go on.
The thing with "rock bottom" is that you can only go up from there.

Good night.

Homemade Mosquito Repellant

Homemade Mosquito Repellant:

Mix in a 16 oz spray bottle:

15 Drops of Lavender Oil

3-4 Tbsp Vanilla Extract

1/4 Cup Lemon Juice

Fill Bottle With Water.
Shake.
Ready to Use.

For Future Reference

Flea & Tick Remedy

8 oz of apple cider vinegar
4 oz warm water
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda

Mix dry ingredients first, then slowly add to the wet.  The vinegar and baking soda will react slightly.  Put into spray bottle and spray pets down.  Be careful to not get into your pets eyes.  Use Borax throughout the house, sprinkle it on the carpets and let set for a few hours.  Vacuum.  This should kill all the fleas and ticks in your home and on your pets.

Investing In Tomorrow!

I forgot to enter my food for yesterday, so here goes:
Day 2 - Ultimate Reset
Breakfast: Strawberry Shakeology
Lunch: Vegan Chocolate Shakeology
(I was not hungry, if no shake, I probably would have skipped lunch altogether)
Dinner: SouthWestern Veggie Taco.  Only had flour tortillas, so I skipped the tortilla.

Day 3 - Ultimate Reset
Today's menu: 
Breakfast: Vegan Chocolate Shakeology
Lunch: gonna be Strawberry Shakology.  Did not care for the lentil-lime salad.
Dinner:  gonna be a switch day, the leftover SouthWestern Veggie Taco.
I'll be running to WalMart, so I'll pick up the corn tortillas.
I'm actually really looking forward to more home-made salsa.  :)

So the quote above "When you wake up each morning with a burning passion to accomplish a goal, you've already won the day!" is the thought behind my post title "Investing In Tomorrow!".

I woke up today with the thought that I have two choices: 1- I can choose to continue to make the same choices that have gotten me to where I am today; or 2- choose to invest in tomorrow and make better choices.  I may not get immediate results, but slowly but surely I will gain ground and get to where I need to be.

The reality is that I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!

Have You No Shame? Have You No Honor?

Sometimes people just really disappoint me.  The lengths they will go to destroy or humiliate people is incredible.  If you are going to put that much effort in hurting someone, why not re-invest it into something more productive, something positive?

“‎It isn't enough to stand up and fight darkness. You've got to stand apart from it, too. You've got to be different from it.” ~ Jim Butcher

“A Man Without Honor is Worse than Dead.” ~ Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

I see examples of this quite often in the school that my youngest two daughters attend.  I know it's a "high-school" mentality thing, because I remember when I was in high school.  I remember how it was played.  I remember how it hurt.  It seems nowadays that the harassment and bullying is worse, it is magnified from my day.  People wonder why kids commit suicide or take guns to school, and shoot up the school - or themselves.  Does anyone stop to think about what happened prior to the ultimate result?  Does anyone honestly investigate what the child went through; what happened to cause them to get to this point?

Society spends so much time focusing on the tragedy, rather than the "symptoms" that occurred before the tragedy.  Society tends to blame the tragedy on something convenient, and doesn't fully investigate the motive and the reasons behind the actions.  If we just paid a little more attention to the pleas, the symptoms, the signs, or the "dismissed" minor problems that happened before the tragedy, maybe we could prevent the tragedy from happening!!

Continue this to adults...shouldn't we, as adults, be past the "high-school" mentality?  What is the point of creating drama, when if you have any sense of decency, you would just move on and learn from your mistakes?  Why does a person create a big fiasco, and point the finger at someone who has done them no wrong?  Greed?  Jealousy?

We are taught as children (at least I know I was) to accept the consequences of our actions.  Retaliating and pointing the fingers at someone else in an effort to cover your own actions, in my opinion, that is really childish.  To take from someone else, and then accuse them of the crime that you, yourself committed....that's pathetic!  Grow up already.

Have you no shame?  Have you no honor?
Have a little respect for yourself and grow up man!

And then we come to Jodi Arias.

There is no way this woman is innocent and there is no justification of self-defense.  After all that was done to this man, how can anyone even think she deserves mercy?  He was naked, without weapon, and in the shower!  I don't buy the "battered woman" defense or claim.  This is way beyond that!  Somehow Casey Anthony got away with her crime.  I hope and pray that Jodi Arias is held accountable for hers.  She deserves the death penalty.  Perhaps when this country starts giving more serious consequences for rape, molestation of children, and murder, offenders will think twice about doing the crime in the first place.

It's A Zoo!

So this is for future reference:

Cameron Park Zoo - Waco Texas

Topsey Animal Safari

My girls want to go to the Zoo!

Redoing The Restart

I did restart the Ultimate Reset today.  Last attempt wasn't successful because I tried to follow the plan to the letter.  This time I am going in with a knowledge of the recipes I did not like, and the knowledge that I can switch meals.  I can switch one day's breakfast for another day's breakfast.  I can switch one lunch for another day's lunch.  Example, because my salmon is currently frozen, I am going to have the day 5 dinner tonite, instead of the day 1 dinner.  As long as the meal I am switching to and from are in the same week, and the same time of day (b-fast, lunch, dinner), I can switch out.  This will help me lots.

I found that the last time I tried so hard to do it exactly as the plan was laid out.  Some of the recipes I liked (the salmon dinner), and some I did not like (lentil salad).  I also know now that I can have a Shakeology shake instead of the breakfast.   I am ok with oatmeal, but I do not do well with eggs and dry toast at all!  I love eggs, it's just that my body does not work well with them.  There were other recipes that I wasn't real crazy about, but as I said, I can switch out for other things.

Breakfast:  Chocolate Vegan Shakeology
Lunch: Miso Soup (I skipped the salad.)
Dinner: Stir-Fry Veggies, Brown Rice

Nothing special going on today.  It's a nice, sunny day here in Texas.  86 degrees.

I've taken all of my supplements and I'm downing the water.  Goal is to be done eating by 6:30 pm.  I am aiming strong, no more fooling around.  I'm "in it to win it"!

"Vegan Before 6", Dr Oz show

Last night I watched the DVR'd Dr. Oz show I had saved.  It was an interesting show, and I got interested initially because of the "3-Day Jump-Start Detox" segment.  I decided to do the Ultimate Reset, beginning today 05/01/2013, and this was along the same line of thinking.  The Ultimate Reset detoxes and cleanses your body from the effects of harmful food choices.  It was the next segment, called "The Vegan Before Dinnertime Diet" by Mark Bittman, that I am going to write about now.

"The Vegan Before Dinnertime Diet", or VB6, is an interesting concept.  I think it was designed to give those who struggle with sticking to a diet, a daily moment to taste what they're missing while on a "diet".  Basically the idea is to eat strictly Vegan during the day, up until 6 pm, and then eat anything you want - in the form of a reasonable dinner - after 6 pm.  So if you want some chips, you eat them after 6 pm.  If you want pasta with alfredo sauce, you eat it after 6 pm.  If you want meat, you eat it after 6 pm.  

The problem I have with this is that, at least for me, if I open the door to "anything I want", then I am going to push those boundaries.  I know me!  I know I will eat more than a reasonable dinner, and I know I will push the boundaries on how late to eat.  I also know that anything I eat after 6 pm affects the scale the next morning.  Now Dr. Oz did interject and suggest that it be limited to 6-8 pm, and while I appreciate that and it makes it more reasonable, again I fall back to the knowledge that I would push the 8 pm limit.  

This was interesting to watch and learn about, and while I am still interested in the concept of being able to have "anything I want" (mainly meat) once a day, I am not sure that I would be able to handle the "anything I want" after 6 pm.  Perhaps this could be adapted to "Vegan Before 6, Carnivore at Dinnertime".  What do you think of that idea?  I'd still want to stick with the part Dr. Oz added, making dinnertime a limited 6-8 pm.  

Why haven't I gone Vegan, or Vegetarian?  I am a meat eater.  I do love steak, but I do not like what happens with cows and pigs when they're on their way to slaughter.  I have been trying to get away from pork and beef.  If you watch the video "Food Inc" (you can find parts of it on YouTube, and the entire movie on Netflix), or "Vegucated" (available on Netflix and Hulu), you will see why and what happens (to some degree).  I just want no part in that.  So for me, now I battle the beef cravings, in the hope that someday I won't have the struggle any longer.   I still eat chicken occasionally, their fate doesn't bother me as much as cows and pigs.  Fish I have no issues with.  Love 'em!

Pescetarianism (pron.: /ˌpɛskɨˈtɛəriən/) (also spelled pescatarianism) is the practice of a diet that includes seafood, but not the flesh of other animals. A pescetarian diet shares many of its components with a vegetarian diet and includes vegetables, fruit, nuts, grains, beans, eggs, and dairy, but unlike a vegetarian diet also includes fish and shellfish. The Merriam-Webster dictionary dates the origin of the term "pescetarian" to 1993 and defines it as: "one whose diet includes fish but no other meat.  (from Wiki)

I could see me being Pescetarianism, the problem is that I cannot remember the word and I have no clue how to pronounce it.

So......I guess I'm done for the moment, it's time for lunch.

Have a great day!