Do Work That Matters - Jon Acuff
Don't become a jerk. Don't get lazy. Don't get entitled. Easier said than done. How do you avoid the traps that spring up? You don't face them alone. Cultivate crop circles of support. The level of support you need is highest in the center and lowest on the edges.
Three circles of support:
1- Inner Circle: Spouse
The worst place for a spouse is on the opposite side of your dream. This causes you to lean harder into awesome and father push your spouse away.
2- Middle Circle: Friends & Family
Family and friends may not understand your dream. The natural response will be to either change your tactics of communication or lash out. Instead of reacting in a bad way when someone doesn't understand, give them patience. Don't be upset if they never understand your dreams perfectly. Don't be devastated and don't think it's because you failed to explain it the right way. It's your dream and not theirs. Expect some disconnect.
3- Outer Circle: Fellow Travelers
The outer support circle is full of people who are on their own roads to awesome. They can challenge you, motivate you, and celebrate with you.
Make action payments. Words are cheap when it comes to dreaming. Action always beats words. Action always beats intention. Erase previous intentions that have gone bad, with action payments.
Master how instead of wow. There are two types of people, the How and the Wow. The Wow person tends to be a dreamer. They come up with big ideas and dreams and wild plans. They bounce off the walls with what might be. The How person tends to be the strategist. They want the details and the steps and the logistics of any situation. They're both great approaches to life, but aren't always compatible. The Wow person comes up with an impulsive (and sometimes unrealistic) idea, and the How person asks "How is that going to work?". This causes the Wow person to take offense because they think they're being attacked. Eventually the Wow person stops sharing their dreams. It's not that they stop dreaming, they just stop sharing them with a How spouse, a How friend, etc.
You should probably include a "Wow disclaimer"...."I'm not going to empty the savings account." "I'm not going to sell the house." if you want to keep the How person invested.
The best thing you can do to get support for your dream is to support someone else's first. When you run into a wall of resistance or indifference, stop asking yourself "How can I get them to support my dream?" and instead ask, "How can I be a fan of their dream?"
Tell a friend who is having a hard time understanding what you're trying to do, "You know what I'm passionate about, but what is something that you're passionate about?" "Is there a way I can help you pursue that?" If you want help for your dream, start by helping someone else with their dream. If you want support for your hope, start by giving support to someone else's hope. If you want encouragement as you work on your calling, start by encouraging other people. Giving support is often the best way to get it.
Motivation is a powerful tool. You'll work-out more often if you have a work-out partner. You won't be as likely to cheat on your diet or skip exercise, if you have someone going through it with you. You'll get that exercise in, or forgo the snack, if you know someone else is tracking you.
Excitement is not the same thing as arrogance. Talking about a project you knocked out of the park doesn't mean you're cocky. celebrating some accomplishment or goal doesn't make you a jerk.
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Wow. I use that word alot!
My greatest support source is my middle circle. I know it should be my spouse, but he is more like a Wow person and I am more of a How person. He can be impulsive and not consider the effect of his actions/decisions/choices, on others. He seldom comes with a "Wow disclaimer". To be honest, I kind of feel like the Wow person who eventually stops sharing my dreams, hopes and concerns, because I feel like I've been attacked, cut-down, shut-down, and ignored when I've tried to share them with my spouse.
My family and my friends are the ones who encourage me and support me. I cannot thank them enough for believing in me, even when I don't believe in myself. To be told that someone envies me because I had the courage to take the first step toward continuing my education....I don't take that as a stroke to my ego, I take it as a "pat on the back" and encouragement. It tells me that I'm doing something good, and sometimes I just need to know that I'm on the right track and someone notices. To have someone ask me how I'm doing in my classes, that shows someone cares.
I have some pretty awesome friends and I know I take them for granted, but I do appreciate them.
I see so many ways I can relate to today's reading. I see a little of the impulsive in me, but I know the How person is far more stronger than the Wow person in me. I am constantly asking "How is this going to work?", both in my head and even to my spouse, and some family members.
My weakness is that I do not invest enough time in supporting and encouraging others. I get so caught up in my own troubles that I forget to invest in the welfare of others. I am trying. I do try. The last thing I want to be doing, is being like one particular person in my life, who dominates phone conversations and people-to-people conversations, with their own voice. There is no room in their conversations and interactions, for others to have cares, concerns, dreams, hopes, worries. It's all about them, most of the time. I don't want to be like that, and reminding myself of that helps me to do better at being more supportive and encouraging.
I find inspiration in the outer-circle of people, that I encounter. They accomplish things I want to accomplish. Sometimes they walk the paths that I want to walk.
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