START: pgs 135-148

START; Punch Fear In The Face, Escape Average, Do Something That Matters, Jon Acuff.

A dream that you don't have to fight for isn't a dream-- it's a nap.  While naps are delightful, they do very little to move you closer to awesome.  Awesome changes your world.  Awesome is not a casual affair.  There's always some degree of scuffle and opposition.  As long as you're pursuing your true awesome, you won't shrink from a fight.

To be more awesome at whatever you've chosen, find your version of rehab- somewhere you can practice being awesome.  Get experience.  Volunteer.  Take a part-time job.  Be led.

Sometimes along the way a sense of impatience and even entitlement, gets tangled with our sense of entrepreneurship.  We're so desperate to be "the one" right away.  We're so eager to start our own course, that we don't think we need to be led.  Don't lose the value of wise counsel.  Don't lose the honor of sitting under someone else's leadership.  Don't lose the joy of building something slowly, that impacts multiple generations and not just our lives.

Be led.  Be taught.  Remain a learner.   Don't avoid opportunities to gain experience and wisdom.

Do reps.  If you want to get better at something, do the reps.

We often think talent is the key to awesome.  If you pull back the curtain, you find it takes an incredible amount of work. 

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Personal Notes:
This all scares the crap out of me.  Fear and doubt are creeping up on me again, making me listen to questions of "who do you think you are? what will make you special? do you really think you're good enough?  what makes you think they'll choose you? you have a strong history of failure, what makes this time different?" 

I'm not a quitter!  I have to make changes, both now, short-term, and long-term.  I have to be ready, and my time is running out.  Illinois is looming up ahead and I have to be ready!

So I Change.

There comes a time when you have to move on.  
I'm choosing to FOCUS on what I need to do, to be a better and happier person.  I'm tired of crying, being filled with doubt, and being afraid.

These books are really hitting home with me! I'm tired of having "Fear & Doubt" as constant companions and I'm ready to move on. I'm done with excuses that keep "Procrastination" as another companion. In the SMART book, the question was asked "What do you do when all the excuses you used to not chase your dream are gone? What do you do then?" So, I ask this question: What do you do when you're tired of making excuses, you're tired of having Doubt, Fear & Procrastination as companions? The answer for me is: You move on and those people who choose to go with you are lifelong friends and people who love you. Those who choose to remain with Doubt, Fear & Procrastination, well, they stay in a miserable state. I am getting angry with my previous choice of companions and negative influences. I'm tired of carrying excess baggage, both mentally and physically. It's time to move on!

I'm choosing to FOCUS on what I need to do, to be a better and happier person.  

I'm tired of crying and being afraid.

 I am the author of the future pages of my book and I choose to be happy.

START; What Does The Internal Voice Tell Me? Finishing Ch 03, pgs 64-75

START; Punch Fear In The Face; Escape Average;
Do Something That Matters, by Jon Acuff

Why have we not spent more time being awesome in our life so far?
We probably got stuck in the forest of voices.

What have the voices told me?
~I'm not good enough, smart enough, up to the challenge.
~I'll be lucky to achieve "average".

No one has a Positive Internal Voice.
Most people believe the internal voice is telling them the truth.  We've heard them for so long that we trust them.  We think it's looking out for us, that it has our best interest in mind.  We think it's trying to protect us or help us, and that it's our friend.  It's not.  The voice is a voice of fear and doubt that gets loud when you do work that matters.

The first step you take on the road to awesome, "fear and doubt" stir from their slumber.  The minute the purpose door creaks on its hinges and you push it open, the pointy ears of fear and doubt perk up.  Continue the road to awesome, and fear and doubt begin whispering lies and confusing statements to get you back on the road to average, the safe path.

Fear and Doubt convey three basic messages:
1- Who are you to do that?  Regardless of what you want to do, or who you are, fear and doubt will always see you as wholly unqualified for anything you ever dream or attempt. 

2- You're too late.  You're behind.  You'll never get ahead.  Fear and Doubt try to tell you two main things about time: "Do it later" or "It's too late!"  The first delays you with laziness.  The second destroys you with regret.  Neither is true.  Fear and Doubts calendar always starts with yesterday or tomorrow.  The truth is that you have today, and today is all you need to start.  The rest will come into view as you go.

3- It has to be perfect.  "It will never work," and "It has to be perfect."  The first thought here tells you that no part of your dream or plan will succeed.  The second thought tells you that every part of it must succeed.  The reality is that Fear and Doubt will tell you that nothing is going to work out for the good.

Doubt and Fear are like muscles.  Every time you believe a lie about yourself, it gets easier to believe it the next time.  If you listen to the voice for the next ten years, they'll only be stronger in ten years.  They get louder and closer to the surface over time.

Don't become an emotional hoarder, storing up anger and bitterness before eventually thinking everyone is out to get us.

Two things you can do to beat the voices:

1- Document them.  Voices are invisible bullies and hate when you make them visible.  Write them down in a simple notebook.  Once you can visually see them, you will see how stupid they are.  Lies hate the light of day.  Every time you take a step toward awesome, and the voice shows up, write it down.

2- Sharing our voices.  Fear and doubt aim to make you feel alone, like you're the only one who feels a certain way.  Fear wants to isolate you.  As long as you keep your fear to yourself, no one can tell you the truth about it.  No one can help you see what is really going on, or encourage you.

The forest of voices is an insatiable black hole, gobbling up our time, energy and hope.

START.  And as you pass through the wall of purpose, kick over the ladder of entitlement, and fight back against the voices of fear and doubt.  The map to awesome will become clearer. 

--------------------------------------------

Personal Notes:

Wow!  Fear and Doubt have been working overtime on me.  They've kept me treading water when I could have been going the distance.  For as long as I can remember, I have been carrying around the three basic messages of Fear and Doubt.  I've always felt that I am a "nobody" and therefore "why bother?"  I've carried around the "You're too late!" for a long time.   This is what has kept me from enrolling in college classes and pursuing a college degree.  The "perfection" message has added to my lack of self-confidence and lack of belief in myself.  I have become an emotional hoarder, not only storing up anger and bitterness, but also guilt.  Guilt is a big one here.

I really don't like the idea of sharing my "voices" with others, but I will definitely put them down in writing. 

START: "The Start", Ch 02, pages 27-35

"The Start"

Fear tends to argue both sides of the coin, leaving you absolutely no room to stand [breathe, move].  It tells you "Don't chase your dream at all." and "If you chase your dream, you have to do it all at once." These statements are lies.

As we stand with one foot on the road to "average", and the other foot on the road to "awesome", we have to "kill" those "fear tactics".

Just start.  The starting line is the only line you [can] completely control.  The start is the only moment you're the boss of.  Don't worry about the finish.  Along the way you will meet dozens of people who are going to impact your finish.  You will have countless opportunities, experiences, and challenges that dot the map of awesome that you are following.  There will be cliffs and rivers and jungles you can't begin to fathom.  You will reach that mountaintop that is better than anything you have ever dreamed, and laugh at the idea that you thought you could plot out your own finish.

It's impossible to predict the finish.  Part of the reason it's difficult is that the path often changes by the time you get to the end.

"Don't Plan Your Life Like I Used To Plan My Speeches"

Average is so popular because average is familiar.  We all know how to do average.  Most of the people on the planet are average.  The road is well worn, the decisions are obvious, and the next steps are crystal clear.  Average is predictable.  When people are faced with the decision between awesome or average, most opt for familiar, or comfortable.  We like the idea of an awesome adventure, but most of us default to trying to manicure the road to awesome so it's as safe and predictable as the road to average.

Awesome is a little dangerous.  There may be dragons in the woods.  There are foggy and cloudy mornings and nights.  Sometimes you're not completely sure about your next step until you take it. Awesome is adventurous.  The road to awesome is defined by surpises.  It's a rambling dirt road with twists and turns that offer something new at every corner.

We want to plan that road to awesome.  We want to talk about our visions, goals.  We want to detail every step before we take them.  We want to make sure there is no room for mistakes or failure.  When we do that, we squeeze our lives and purposes too tightly and we eliminate any room for surprises.   We don't have or make time for them.  They do not fit into the plan.  We scowl when people interrupt what we're doing at work, grumble when neighbors want to talk, and curse momentary distractions.

_______________________________________________________________________

Personal Notes:

I have lived with fear for all of my life.  The average road is the one I have traveled, without deviation, because stepping away from the comfort zone is scary.  I've subdued, and eventually locked away my dreams, because I didn't think or believe that I could do it.  Eventually I came to the point where I couldn't breathe, move, function, because my self-imposed "comfort zone" became four walls closing in on me.  My comfort zone is located on the road to average.

Yesterday's reading talked about waking up, years down the road, wondering where it all went...where did all the time and opportunities go?  what happens when you run out of excuses to remain average?  what happens when the comfort zone is a private and self-imposed, prison?  You don't realize it as it is happening, but the answer all comes down to this: the comfort zone becomes a private and self-imposed prison.

Fear has lied to me, and caused me to believe that I should not pursue my dreams.  Fear fed me with lies that I was too old, it was too late to start, and that I am not good enough.  Fear has kept me locked up in my own self-imposed prison, under the initial disguise of "easy" and "comfortable".  Fear has caused me to hide "me" for entirely too long!!!

I also learned in these first 35 pages of this book, that being in the 40's is NOT the end of the world.  It doesn't have to be too late.  I can still head toward the road to awesome.  I may still be like a "lighthouse" that warns of "crashes" that have happened before, but I can learn from my mistakes and still have my opportunities, my chances, and my "harvest". 

I don't know how to be awesome.  This is something that I am going to have to learn how to be.  I need to re-discover the "me" that has become buried physically, emotionally and mentally.  I need to surround myself in people who can, with their presence, strengthen the person who is hiding underneath all of the self-imposed confinement.

Who is the "me" who has been locked-up?
I'm going to post who I think this "me" is, and in a couple weeks, months, years, I want to check back and see who I thought I was, and who I have become. 

Defining "Me" - likes to laugh, enjoys companionship and time with friends.  "Me" enjoys having fun and getting out and doing things.  "Me" likes to be appreciated and treated with respect.