START: Dream Honestly! Pages 35-43

Start: Punch Fear In The Face; Escape Average & Do Work That Matters, by Jon Acuff

If taking the first step on the road to awesome were easy, then everybody would already be on it.  The first step isn't easy, you have to get comfortable with tension.  You have to be:

a realist and a dreamer

practical and impractical

logical and illogical

You have to be brutally realistic about your present circumstances and wildly unrealistic (optimistic) about your future circumstances.  You have to embrace this tension and make it work to your favor.  Realism doesn't prevent you from chasing your dream, it keeps you from chasing the wrong dream.

Dream Honestly

We have to be brutally realistic when we answer the question "Where am I right now?"  Answering that question honestly, is critical to our career and our life.  You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end, with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality.  Avoid the temptation to believe that being honest about your current reality is somehow not the right way to dream big.  Honestly looking at where you currently are in life, turns your present into a platform you can move on from, instead of a prison that holds you back. 

Be honest with your present and turn it into a friend.  This won't be easy, because the world's definition of dreaming is just the opposite.  People will say things like, "Step out in faith," or, "Follow your dreams and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls."  Those statements are code for, "Don't make any plans," and at worst, Abandon your current commitments."

The world's definition of dreaming is incredibly selfish.  It involves ignoring everyone you know and love.  We start to believe that dreaming or walking down the road to awesome is an inherently selfish idea.  It suggests you only have two options: abandon every commitment you have and dream, or resign yourself to an average life in order to honor your commitments.

There is another way!  Honor your commitments, even while you completely change your life and the world in the process. 

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Personal Notes:

Where Am I Right Now?  Be brutally honest, right?  While I'm ready to be brutally honest, I don't think I can completely "let loose" here.  I'm angry.  I'm frustrated.  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I'm hurt.  I regret having lived the average life, all of my life.  I'm not sure when I gave up on the dreams.  I did have dreams.  At some point I pointed my expectations on achieving average.  I just did not believe in myself.  I thought that "comfortable" was enough.  

I remember how it felt, a long time ago, after I spent a full day watching television.  I'd never been allowed to freely watch television growing up.  (I look back at the way things were in my parents house, and I realize now that that was a good thing, to not be able to be a television addict.)  So to move out on my own and be able to spend a day watching television, one program after another, and do nothing else....that seemed appealing. All of a sudden I was "free".  I could relax and not worry about whether I was gonna be caught chillin' in front of cable TV.  (Cable TV not a norm in their house, back then.)  I also remember my feeling of having wasted an entire day.  It's hard to put into words, but I do remember my feelings when I realized that I had accomplished nothing.  It wasn't an appealing feeling, it was kinda depressing.  What I do not remember, is when that went from unappealing, to comfortable.  I am angry that I allowed myself to be deluded into believing that the comfort zone was desirable.

I cannot honestly sit here and say "Where did it all go wrong?".  There is a lot of good in my life.  I can, however, look back at decisions that I made when I came to a "fork in the road".  This type of thinking is what leads you into deceptive thinking.  That is what causes you to think your life is over, or past saving, when you're in your mid-40's.  This book is good for me.  It's helping me to realize that it honestly is not too late to START over. 

There were moments, as I was reading, where I was honestly connecting to what the book was saying.  It made sense.  I wanted to stop and message Mary, and tell her that "omgosh, you managed to find another book that makes sense to me."   I honestly didn't think that after "The Compound Effect", that the second book could be as relatable as the first.

This journey of my life is at another "fork in the road".  It isn't going to be easy to change and abandon the "comfort zone", now recognized as a self-imposed prison.  Every day is a new day for me, and another chance to write the future pages and make them average or awesome.  No matter what I have done in the past, I will NOT give up.  Today IS the first day of the rest of my life.

Average? or Awesome?

Amazing How One "Noun" Can Change Things!

Determination - noun:
      1- The act of making a decision.
      2- Firmness of purpose; resolve.
      3- A fixed intention, or resolution.

I found my "determination".
I finally found what was missing, and knocking out my chance of success!

Breakfast:  Tropical strawberry Shakeology.
Lunch: Yogurt with strawberries and granola.
Dinner:  Spinach & Feta cheese pie (I didn't eat the crust).

I am having those urges, the urge to eat out of habit.  I went to grocery store today and bought things that are "calling me", as well.  I love feta cheese, and I could snack on that really easily right now.  That's one of the thoughts that comes to mind, with the urge.

I'm not going to cave in tonite.  I just checked, because I wanted to know what time, and I find that the doctor appointment I thot I had tomorrow, is not until the 10th of May. Yay!  This gives me more time to get back to the weight I was 6 months ago.  Right now I'm about 8 pounds to much.

This is actually good news and more opportunity to get things squared away before the Doctor appointment.

 This is my thought for today.  

I AM doing what I know I need to do, even though it would be so easy to snack and give into the cravings.  I'm gonna stay strong.  I'm going to stay on-course.

The First Day of The Rest of My Life!

I started "Slim in 6" today.   I'm not gonna lie, it's gonna take some mental willpower to keep me invested in this, and I'm going to TRY.  They say it takes 6 weeks to build a new habit, and this program is 6 weeks long, but I may have to take it slower and lengthen it.  The reality is that I am out of shape.  I need to work into it slowly, and not hurt myself.

There are some things that happened in my past, that have contributed to my dislike of exercise.  I'm not looking to place blame or point fingers.  To explain a little:  For some years, I was put into an exercise program, something that I call "extreme" exercise.  It wasn't like the amount of exercise you do in school, it was magnified. 

An example of what an exercise session would consist of, toward the end of this time in my life, was:  200 Jumping Jacks, 300 Sit-ups, 180 female push-ups (or 90 male), 90 4-count leg-lifts, 90 8-count leg-lifts, 180 count "point-rock", 90 (on both sides) knee-bends, and sometimes an additional amount of jumping jacks.  These were usually done in the early morning, but they were occasionally called for during the day, in addition to the morning routine.

The positive side of this is that this kept me in relatively good shape.  A high-light in that time of my life, was being able to break the school record for number of sit-ups done in one minute.  My high was 76 sit-ups in one minute, which was over the number 67, the school record.  It was in gym class, and they made me do it a second time, because they thought they miscounted.  I did it twice in a row.

Anyway, part of changing is dealing with the things in the past that have upset you, caused you stress, and which contribute to negative mind-sets and bad habits.  I am at a point in my life today, that I really do NOT care to hear the negative remarks that I could face for posting this.  I'm being honest and I'm trying to let go.  I have to talk about what happened to me, to be able to deal with it and let go.  Hiding it inside, or from the public, is not releasing.

The negative issues in my past, are what is holding me back.  You have to understand that holding things in and hiding the problems, are what has contributed to the physical state I am in now.  I never took up smoking, drugs, alcohol....I began a food addiction.  I HAVE A FOOD ADDICTION.  Unlike the other destructive habits, I cannot quit this habit cold-turkey.  I cannot walk away from food and say "I am not going to do this anymore!"  Somehow I have to learn to find a way to co-exist with food in a healthy manner.  On the same token, somehow I have to learn how to incorporate exercise back into my life.  I am not going to get healthy again, without finding a healthy balance of diet and exercise.

I have waited way too long to begin the steps necessary to change my life.  I have let people and fears dictate my actions, and look where this has gotten me.  It is time to believe in myself, invest in myself and to begin anew, the first day of the rest of my life. 

With that having been said, I will close this blog entry.
 Have a good day everyone.

P.S.  There are some people who may find issue with some of the information that I have shared in this post.  You're entitled to your opinion and I respect that, but I also am entitled to the right to express myself.  I am hurting no one with my honesty.  What I shared, was my history and is my reality.  Until you have walked a mile in my shoes, you cannot possibly understand how experiences in my life have formed me, shaped me and impacted me.  I won't apologize for being real.