Good Intentions and Feeling Crappy.

(05/23/2013)

I hope to start down the path to recovery ASAP.  It's not going to be easy.  I am going to be fighting urges, triggers and cravings.  They say six weeks for new habits.  So my short-term goal is to make it the six weeks.  I really need to attack this path to recovery.  I remember when I first considered going back to school.  I came up with all kinds of reasons why I couldn't or shouldn't go back to school.  I created my own obstacles and hurdles, and I have spent the last 6 months tackling them.  

I don't have time.  -  There are 24 hours in a day!

This won't work with my family.  - Where there is a will, there is a way!

I can't afford it.  - Grants, Scholarships, Student Loans!

It's been too long; I'm too old. - If my mother could do it, so could I!

I don't want to step into a campus classroom.  - Online classes!

(05/24/2013)

I started today feeling crappy, and well, I still feel crappy.  I laid awake last night until 4:30 a.m..  I was so nauseated.  I'm still nauseated now.  I don't know what is going on with me.  

I had a Doctor appointment today.  Got my blood test results.  My cholesterol is down to 255.  My triglycerides went up.  :(   My A1C is +.6 to 7.1.  Other numbers seem to be better.  The primary concern is the triglycerides and my weight.  In 2 weeks I have gained 4 pounds!  I told her about my problem with burping.  It isn't really burping like a belch.  This is a silent thing I do, a combination burp and hiccup, kinda.  She put me on Nexium.  I've already noticed a decrease in it occurring.  Maybe after some time on the medicine, I'll not have it happen much at all.  Last night it was like I wanted to burp, but there was a lump down in there, that didn't want to allow it.  This is probably TMI, but anyway....

I think it has come to the time where I have no more choices.  Either I change or I won't have any choices.  She told me that my life is at stake here, and honestly, the way I feel...I believe her.  

Going to try again to make tomorrow a new "Day 1", in the hope of feeling better with a change in diet.  Somehow I need to incorporate exercise, but to be honest, the nausea does not make me feel much like exercise.  I have to find a way to persevere on my change in diet, and not offend Mike.  He means well, but I cannot continue to eat the wrong foods.  Cassie thinks that he intends to cook us all breakfast this weekend sometime, since he bought the breakfast sausage.  Sausage, bacon and eggs are definite no-no's to me.  Off limits.  He knows I don't eat sweets, so I should be good on that, should he go that path.  

I wonder if fully committing to a re-start of the Ultimate Reset, would help me feel better.  I'm not sure I have all the required foods, and some recipes I did not like anyway, but maybe it will help.  I'd like to start tomorrow.  I'm willing to do what I need to...the question is, will my family allow me to?  I want to live.  I do NOT like being nauseated, feeling nauseated, and feeling crappy.

God...please help me.  Please help me to make the right choices from this moment on.  Please help me to start feeling better.  Please help me to get healthier.  I'm sorry I have brought myself to this point I find myself at.  I'm ready to change and I need Your help.  Please "take the wheel" and lead me where I need to go.  I humbly turn myself over to you.