Set The Example

As I read in my book "Go Pro" by Eric Worre, and I came to the part "...people could sense my change of focus and my commitment to excellence and they wanted to be a part of it.  Think about a time in your life when you were around a person committed to excellence.....How did it make you feel?"  I realized that I have, indeed, encountered times in my life where either I was the example, or someone else was the example, of the very concept being written about in this part of the book.

In the latter half of 2010, I was able to lose a lot of weight.  I was committed, dedicated, determined and doing it.  The more and more repetition of visits to the spin class and gym, the more I craved it and the more results I saw.  People were starting to notice.  They wanted to know what I was doing!

In the wonderful world of Beachbody I have often heard the phrase "Be a product of the product!", and that is so very true and so very important.  So why do I bring that up now, after my first paragraph?  Because they really go hand-in-hand.

When you are "a product" of "the product", you are a living, breathing example of something.  In 2010, my something was diet and exercise.  Now, in 2013, my product is a combination of diet, exercise, Beachbody products & programs, and positivity.

This morning as I drove my daughters to their band camp, I noticed the lady I encountered yesterday at the end of my walk, walking.  Instead of going her normal route, which is much more longer and spaced out than mine, I noticed that she turned the corner....going the direction of my ritual route.  As I came back from dropping the girls off, I noticed she was still walking my normal route, not her own.  I pulled my truck into my driveway and started out on my usual route.

On my second lap around (a quarter mile each), I noticed that she had come over to the same side of the road as I was on, and that she was steadily catching up with me.  It made me smile.  She obviously wanted to walk with me, and it made me happy to know that.

When you are doing the right thing, making a positive example of yourself, it has a positive effect on others.  They want to know what you're doing, why you're doing it, and what your successes are.  When others see you succeeding, they want to be successful like you.  When you make progress and make accomplishments, they covet them for themselves.  Not all coveting is bad, especially when it inspires you to change your life in a positive way, toward a healthier and better future.

The best thing we can be, in whatever venture we pursue, is a "product of the product"...be the example of success, be the example that someone else will want to be. 

You do not have to remain in the same "four walls" that you've spent so much time in, that it feels like a prison.  Break out and step outside the comfort zone.  Invest time in being more positive, getting healthier, and being successful.  People WILL notice and they will want to know what you are doing.  When your "sun" shines, people want to know what is making such a positive change in your life!   You will not only make a difference in someone else's life, but your own.

Be a product of the product.... Set the example.

Ever-Changing Society

I never really "digested" how society has changed since I was a child.  I was born in the late 1960's, but most of my childhood was spent in the 1970's.  The 1970's were, in my opinion, a care-less decade.  I remember playing outside from sunrise to sunset, and running all over my neighborhood.  The phone was attached to the wall, not my hip or in my pocket.  Parents opened their doors and hollered the names of their kids, calling them home.  There were no water bottles, we drank from cups in the kitchen or hoses attached to the house.  The library was a common place to go, and there were always so many interesting books to read and things to discover.  Television for my family, still was the basic three networks and PBS.  You looked forward to your favorite show each week, and there were no previews to be found, except for the tantalizing commercials about the next episode.

The 1980's brought an introduction to the computer, but there was no internet in the early 1980's.  The new, popular thing was MTv and music videos, and that meant having a cable subscription.  My parents didn't really invest in cable back then...but what I remember of it, was about 10 channels.  I remember there still being a time when you could go directly out of high-school, into a forever job that promised retirement and benefits.  Sexual promiscuity was something that wasn't talked about, but it was happening.  AIDS didn't come out until this decade, and then all of a sudden fear steps in and makes everyone more aware of what they're doing.  We go from expressing our selves in outrageous and flamboyant ways, to a gradual change toward accountability.  Gone, by the end of this decade, is the care-less times.

I don't recall seeing "mobile" phones (cell phone's in their infancy) until the early 1990's.  My first experience with the internet is in the mid 1990's, about 1996-7.  Everything is becoming convenient.  There is still some of the same taboos...you didn't talk about homosexuality and bi-racial couples were still hard to find.  I don't remember much of the first half of the 1990's, I was too busy working 2-3 dead-end jobs.  I was living everyday at work, basically.  The latter half of the 1990's, for me, was a time of financial struggle.  I would not "wake-up" to the consequences of my actions....my lack of pursuing a college-education, until the next decade.

Everything is different when you are a military family.  He got back in the military in 2001, so 2000-2009 is basically a little different than what it might have been, had we remained a civilian family.  At the point of his re-entry, the military still has a lot of benefits for the soldiers, a lot of reasons for people to choose this as a career.  Military families live in a community where there are a lot of new cars and houses bought.  There is a steady and set income, plus some benefits, and we don't have to "hurt" financially- as families who rely on a non-secure job.  The internet brings more and more progress daily, and there are all kinds of things to discover.  Satellite companies compete with cable companies, and in the beginning...offer 100's of channels, forcing cable companies to catch up or be left behind.  Cell phones, in my opinion, are starting to be more convenient and popular than "land-lines".  Gay couples and bi-racial couples are everywhere.  Even though gas prices are outrageous since the start of the conflicts with the middle-east, people are living life to the fullest, enjoying all of the bounty of continuously progressive technology.

2010- today....
"In" is what was taboo before, and "out" is many of the standards of modesty that we've already been seeing deteriorate as it is. Every "minority" is finding its voice and making themselves heard.  Jobs are not so easy to get, and the "prerequisites" are becoming more demanding.  You can't just go into a "forever job" anymore, especially not just out of high school.   You need college.  The military is being stripped of its benefits, leaving it not so pleasant a job prospect.  Insurance companies, I think, are one of the biggest winners of this decade...as you are forced to have insurance, or you pay the price.  On top of that, they don't judge you solely on your past driving history...they get you if your credit score is not high enough.  The same will happen with the mandatory health-insurance, as well.  Today's society is not what it used to be.  Opportunity is going from wide-open, to a very limited doorway.

To read a potential scenerio in the book "Go Pro" by Eric Worre...about how jobs are headed to performance based pay, and away from set salaries...that's scary.  I can honestly see how that can happen.  Not having read any of this book before, or having heard of this possibility, I would have never thought of it.  I would have continued, clueless, and eventually find myself commenting on "how hard things are today" in the near future.

  Wake Up!!!!!! 

 It's time to wake up and smell the coffee.  If you had to work a job that was based on performance and your base salary was decreased, with the promise of additional pay for your performance....could you make it?  Could you still pay your bills?  It's definitely something to think about.

Once upon a time people sat at a desk and made their salary based on the hourly wage or the set yearly income.  Is our society coming to a time where we are paid for what we accomplish, rather than our time?  Once they start doing that, the expectations for our accomplishments will steadily increase....and the hourly wage (or set salary) will decrease, or become non-existent. 

What kind of world will we wake up in, "tomorrow"?

START: pgs 173-187

START: Punch Fear In The Face, Escape Average,
Do Work That Matters - Jon Acuff

Don't become a jerk.  Don't get lazy.  Don't get entitled.  Easier said than done.  How do you avoid the traps that spring up?  You don't face them alone.  Cultivate crop circles of support. The level of support you need is highest in the center and lowest on the edges.

Three circles of support:
1- Inner Circle: Spouse
The worst place for a spouse is on the opposite side of your dream.  This causes you to lean harder into awesome and father push your spouse away.  

2- Middle Circle: Friends & Family
Family and friends may not understand your dream.  The natural response will be to either change your tactics of communication or lash out.  Instead of reacting in a bad way when someone doesn't understand, give them patience.  Don't be upset if they never understand your dreams perfectly.  Don't be devastated and don't think it's because you failed to explain it the right way.  It's your dream and not theirs.  Expect some disconnect. 

3- Outer Circle: Fellow Travelers
The outer support circle is full of people who are on their own roads to awesome.  They can challenge you, motivate you, and celebrate with you. 

Make action payments.  Words are cheap when it comes to dreaming.  Action always beats words.  Action always beats intention.  Erase previous intentions that have gone bad, with action payments.

Master how instead of wow.  There are two types of people, the How and the Wow.  The Wow person tends to be a dreamer.  They come up with big ideas and dreams and wild plans.  They bounce off the walls with what might be.  The How person tends to be the strategist.  They want the details and the steps and the logistics of any situation.  They're both great approaches to life, but aren't always compatible.  The Wow person comes up with an impulsive (and sometimes unrealistic) idea, and the How person asks "How is that going to work?".  This causes the Wow person to take offense because they think they're being attacked.  Eventually the Wow person stops sharing their dreams.  It's not that they stop dreaming, they just stop sharing them with a How spouse, a How friend, etc.

You should probably include a "Wow disclaimer"...."I'm not going to empty the savings account."  "I'm not going to sell the house." if you want to keep the How person invested. 

The best thing you can do to get support for your dream is to support someone else's first.  When you run into a wall of resistance or indifference, stop asking yourself "How can I get them to support my dream?" and instead ask, "How can I be a fan of their dream?" 

Tell a friend who is having a hard time understanding what you're trying to do, "You know what I'm passionate about, but what is something that you're passionate about?"  "Is there a way I can help you pursue that?"  If you want help for your dream, start by helping someone else with their dream.  If you want support for your hope, start by giving support to someone else's hope. If you want encouragement as you work on your calling, start by encouraging other people.  Giving support is often the best way to get it.

Motivation is a powerful tool.  You'll work-out more often if you have a work-out partner.  You won't be as likely to cheat on your diet or skip exercise, if you have someone going through it with you.  You'll get that exercise in, or forgo the snack, if you know someone else is tracking you. 

Excitement is not the same thing as arrogance.  Talking about a project you knocked out of the park doesn't mean you're cocky.  celebrating some accomplishment or goal doesn't make you a jerk. 

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Personal Notes:

Wow.  I use that word alot!

My greatest support source is my middle circle.  I know it should be my spouse, but he is more like a Wow person and I am more of a How person.  He can be impulsive and not consider the effect of his actions/decisions/choices, on others.  He seldom comes with a "Wow disclaimer".   To be honest, I kind of feel like the Wow person who eventually stops sharing my dreams, hopes and concerns, because I feel like I've been attacked, cut-down, shut-down, and ignored when I've tried to share them with my spouse. 

My family and my friends are the ones who encourage me and support me.  I cannot thank them enough for believing in me, even when I don't believe in myself.  To be told that someone envies me because I had the courage to take the first step toward continuing my education....I don't take that as a stroke to my ego, I take it as a "pat on the back" and encouragement.  It tells me that I'm doing something good, and sometimes I just need to know that I'm on the right track and someone notices. To have someone ask me how I'm doing in my classes, that shows someone cares.

I have some pretty awesome friends and I know I take them for granted, but I do appreciate them.

I see so many ways I can relate to today's reading.  I see a little of the impulsive in me, but I know the How person is far more stronger than the Wow person in me.  I am constantly asking "How is this going to work?", both in my head and even to my spouse, and some family members. 

My weakness is that I do not invest enough time in supporting and encouraging others.  I get so caught up in my own troubles that I forget to invest in the welfare of others.  I am trying.  I do try.  The last thing I want to be doing, is being like one particular person in my life, who dominates phone conversations and people-to-people conversations, with their own voice.  There is no room in their conversations and interactions, for others to have cares, concerns, dreams, hopes, worries.  It's all about them, most of the time.  I don't want to be like that, and reminding myself of that helps me to do better at being more supportive and encouraging.

I find inspiration in the outer-circle of people, that I encounter.  They accomplish things I want to accomplish.  Sometimes they walk the paths that I want to walk. 

Dr Oz - Toxic Sabotage

I'm sitting here watching Dr Oz and his Toxic Sabotage show.  Wow. 

In the first relationship featured on the show, the family shown is a mother and daughter.  The mother sabotaging her daughter with her words.  I don't think that in all cases, the "sabotager" knows or understands how their words hurt.  I can see in this relationship that the mother is not fully clued in to how her words hurt.  When I look at my father, I think he is more like this mother.  He may have had good intentions with his words, but he did not understand that the way he was going about it, was not healthy for me.  His words didn't motivate, they devastated me and caused me to retreat within myself.  When the psychologist on the show called the mother a "bully" and explained why she was a bully, I was able to understand that my father was being a bully as well.

The third relationship featured a diabetic woman and her "cook" husband.  Of course, he's thin and she's heavy.  You don't even have to go past this description, to see an initial similarity here.  The man cooks good food, but not the kind of food that his wife should be eating.  How many times have I talked about how my husband makes cakes, cookies, fudge, rice crispies, and other sweet treats!  While his soda does not tempt me at all, the chips, M & M's, cinnamon rolls, and some of the junk food he consumes....that DOES tempt me.  I cannot keep it out of my house, and I am not totally able to ignore it when it's in the house.  I don't think he fully understands what I am up against, just like the husband in this show....either that or he doesn't care.  It's easy, I think, for a person who does not have health issues or a weight problem, to not understand why another person struggles.

The thing that I struggle with most here, is that I feel like I am the only one in my relationships, who recognizes the problems and who is willing to work on change.  How do you succeed in change when the other person in the relationship, is not willing to admit that they are part of the problem?

My life is at stake.  I do face potential blindness, possible kidney failure, possible amputation and even possibly dying....IF I do not get things together and healthy.   I cannot continue to ignore my problem.  It's not going away.  I can only possibly control the negatives by working on my health.

The way I feel right now, I feel like I have to find a way to TOTALLY control and discipline myself, or continue along my path of bad decisions and eventually I die. 

It's hard to be strong enough to control and discipline myself. 

START; pgs 231-233

START: Punch Fear In The Face, Escape Average, Do Something That Matters - Jon Acuff

Chapter 06 - Self Reflection Questions:

#5- Survey your life and decide if there's ever been something you experienced that made you think, I could do that better.  Was that the start of a dream that needs to be explored, like the taxi driver on pages 141-42.

#12- Sacrifice is an accelerant.  Create a list of things you are willing to sacrifice in the pursuit of awesome.  Later, when you're mad that you didn't get to go somewhere or do something because you were focused on the long-term win, review this list and remember why.

#13- Create a full box of ammo for why you won't give up before you get to awesome.  Some days, "working so my kids have a brighter future" will be enough.  Other days, "Friends who hold me accountable: will be enough.  In the moments when it gets hard to keep going, you'll be glad you have 101 reasons not to quit.

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Personal Notes:

#5- I have a couple events in my life that I could have done better. 
I could have handled my volunteer work at the hospital better.  I could have approached going to college, the first time, with better intent and more focus.  In my 20's I could have thought about the long-term aspects of my life, rather than the immediate gratification.

Had I been paying attention, and had I focused on an education and career, I would have recognized that a career in Health Care was where I wanted to go with a career.

#12- I can afford to sacrifice a couple aspects in my life, in order to pursue awesome.  I can sort out awesome from hobbies.

#13- I will not quit because:  I need to have a way for financial stability.  I need to be able to afford to live on more than a dead-end job, with minimum wage pay.  I want a house of my own.  I want to be able to spend time with my kids, and someday grandkids.

START: pgs 156-162

START: Punch Fear In The Face, Escape Average, Do Something That Matters, Jon Acuff

The road to awesome is hard work. 
Don't confuse "building up your dream" with "burning out your dream."
Don't be afraid to take a break, to walk away and catch your breath.

Be careful about expectations.  Be honest about them.

When we realize that expectations can cause damage, our natural response is to think "Stupid expectations!  I'll fix them by never having any."  That type of thinking doesn't work.  It's impossible to have no expectations.  It also doesn't work because it becomes a protectionist move.  This turns into "If I get my hopes up and it doesn't come true, I'll be hurt." 

Crazy expectations are not necessarily a bad thing.  You can't dream without creating expectations, and they can be an encouraging source of motivation.  Expectations of the future can inspire you to reach for things that feel impossible in the present. 

What you have sown grown will now come to fruitition.
The things you harvest do matter--that's the joy of doing work that matters.
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Personal Notes:
I get so caught up in impulsive thoughts and expectations.  The initial excitement of new things usually is followed by overwhelming pressure to keep up or succeed.  I've never been able to control expectations, they usually control me.

START; pgs 148-156

START; Punch Fear In The Face; Escape Average; Do Something That Matters, By Jon Acuff

The road through Mastering is littered with bullhorns.  Don't pick them up, they're only distractions from your passion.  If you grab the bullhorn too soon, you won't learn that to be awesome you need to spend more time practicing your dream than you do promoting your dream.  The temptation to spend more time on promoting what you're doing instead of practicing what you're doing.  Promoting makes people thing you're already a master.  Practicing is what makes you a master.  There's a big difference between practicing and promoting. 

Someone is going to hate what you do.  Haters are inevitable. 

Hate leads to a wound.  Constructive criticism leads to an improvement.
Hate's motive is to hurt.  Constructive criticism's motive is to help.
Hate is an anchor.  Constructive criticism is a gift.

Two Important Questions to ask yourself when dealing with haters:
1- Who said it?
Was it a close friend or a complete stranger?  Was it someone who is interested in building you, or bringing you down?  Was it someone who is helping you? or shutting down your dreams?  Don't receive hate as if you're receiving it from someone who knows us.  Don't be so quick to give hate, or words, so much power. 

2- Why did they say it?
What was their motive?  Were they exposing a blind spot in my life so that I can improve? Are they mad about something completely different, and just looking to lash out at anyone who crosses their path?  Reflect before you act.

The next time you get hate, make sure it's not valuable criticism from someone who is trying to help you get better.

Don't discount compliments.  Don't ignore them and keep walking.

1 insult  + 1,000 compliments = 1 insult.  This is faulty thinking.
Critic's math is something that everyone struggles with.
It doesn't instantly go away with success.
Every time you believe critic's math, you make it more powerful.
Fear and doubt are like muscles.  Every time you believe a lie, it gets easier to believe the next time.
Don't let the temptation to stop along your journey to awesome and engage with fear and doubt.

Be gracious and polite, and then keep moving so that your words are true as you leave the haters behind you.

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Personal Notes:

I have never dealt well with "haters".  I am someone who takes their words to heart and curls up in the fetal position to "lick my wounds" and even feel sorry for myself.  I had never realized that in my warped thinking, that "1 insult + 1,000 compliments = 1 insult".

I've empowered fear and doubt, by believing their lies and deceit. 

My other problem is that when I ask the "Who" and "Why", sometimes I find that the who is someone who is supposed to care about me and be interested in my best interests.  Instead they beat me down, drag me down, and shut me down.